Hurting people seem to be attracted to you
Have you ever stopped and noticed that all your friends seem to have a whole lot of drama going on, and that they often need you to help them. Your co-worker is in an abusive relationship and they come to you to talk or for advice. Your partner is abusing substances and you feel like it’s a full time job just taking care of them, worrying about them, and trying to get them help. Your neighbor confides in you on a regular basis about their stress and depression and you often worry about them, so you make sure you’re available because you know you can make them feel better, worrying what would happen if you didn’t check in.
Realizing your taking care of others but not yourself
If you can relate to attracting people with a lot of issues, you might at first feel energized, knowing you are needed, and feeling like you are doing something important by helping. As time goes on however you might start to question who is there for you? You tell yourself you’re strong, you’re fine, and you don’t need anyone, but is that true? Everyone has a breaking point, and if you’re taking care of others and not yourself- you too will hit that breaking point. You may start to feel angry, bitter or resentful of those you’ve been helping, realizing the relationship is one sided, and realizing that they are not reciprocating any of the favors. You may give and give financially however when it comes time for you to ask for help, they say no – which really makes you bitter. Certain people will actually subconsciously help others before themselves and more than themselves because its easier to fix others problems than look at their own issues and demons. Ask yourself if you are neglecting something in your own life, possibly a strained marriage, your angry teenager, your un-forgiveness toward your childhood.
Check your motives and your heart
It’s absolutely a good thing to help others in our lives that are in need however you have to ask yourself if you are continually putting others needs before your own in a way that is self-destructive. Are you so used to asking others how they are doing that it’s strange to ask yourself how you are doing? Is it hard to answer the question how you are feeling? Before you help someone ask yourself if you want to help, and what you are expecting in return. I say this because over time we often help out of feelings of obligation or not wanting to disappoint, or to make ourselves feel good about ourselves. Will you get upset if someone does not say thank you, if they do not recognize you, if they don’t offer something in return? Check your motives before you say yes or offer help, making sure to only help and say yes without ulterior motives.
Choosing to be intentional with relationships
The type of relationships you build says a lot about you and your inner world, unresolved childhood issues, traumas, and self-worth. Often time’s people go through life building friendships without being intentional. Know and understand there are different types of relationships and friendships. It’s good to pause and do some soul searching if you recognize your friends are far from quality. The next step is to start loving and valuing yourself. Healthy people attract other healthy people, and so is true for people with major insecurities and issues. It is said that you become like the top 5 people you surround yourself with and that people are like elevators, they either take you up or down. If you don’t want to be like your friends, then start hanging around people you do want to be like. In no way am I saying to stop helping others, however I am saying that along with helping others, make sure you are allowing others to help you and support you.
Exercise: Take some time to sit down and think of at least a few people in your life that you admire, respect, and look up to. Choose to seek these people out, befriend them, and ask to meet up.
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