Repeat after me, “THIS TOO SHALL PASS.”
Having a newborn is really hard in many ways. The weeks and months of interrupted sleep, listening to your baby screaming, feeding frustrations, failed scheduling attempts, spit up, financial and work worries, and relationship strain is temporary. Trust the process and know that your little baby is getting older every day, and in time things will get easier. Tell yourself and your partner “we’re going to make it through,” even if it seems impossible.
LET IT GO
One of the biggest barriers to contentment is perfectionism and unrealistic expectations. It is a lie that “you can do it all.” Real life doesn’t look like a pottery barn catalog, or Kelly Ripa’s Electrolux commercials. When you feel yourself getting anxious and overwhelmed, step back and ask yourself if what your doing is worth it? Is a homemade meal worth stress and anxiety tonight since little Jacob is extra fussy, or should you pop in a frozen pizza? Should i be embarrassed, stressed, and ashamed of my weight gain or do i need to move toward self compassion, knowing that I did just bring a child into this world. I am talking about putting first things first, such as your mental health, baby, and your marriage. I asked my husband if he would rather have a spotless house or have a calm and relaxed wife- he chooses a relaxed and calm wife, and its time I give him what he really wants.
SURROUND yourself with POSITIVITY
Someone once told me, “People are like elevators, they take you up or down.” While its good not to let others effect us, women are especially vulnerable with sleep deprivation and postpartum hormones. Choose wisely the people you allow into your life during this time, choose people that are encouraging, uplifting, helpful, and supportive. If you start to notice yourself feeling feelings of shame, guilt, and insecurities surfacing only with certain friends or mom’s groups, you may need to limit your interaction with those people. Limit social media, and be cautious of comparing yourself to others which can be a sure trap for feeling down about yourself. Intentionally invite positive people into your life, play positive music, and even play positive podcasts while your folding laundry, or feeding the little one(s).
If your blessed enough to have someone offer to help you with something – just say YES and THANK YOU! Even if you think that you don’t really need the help, you do. Trying to do everything on your own will eventually burn you out. Accepting help doesn’t mean your weak or can’t handle things on your own. Often times insecure people don’t want to ask for help to risk being perceived as weak, while strong, secure and self-confident people are OK with admitting that they are not perfect in everything and need help sometimes. After receiving help you can then reach out to help others, to build an authentic supportive network of moms.
TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF
Taking care of yourself feels impossible and counter intuitive at times. From this moment on as a mother remember that taking care of yourself is taking care of your child. Put the oxygen mask on yourself first, and then your child. Now- unfortunately you may not have time for a day at the spa, or long luxurious naps but it’s time to figure out little ways you can stay refreshed and rejuvenated. Little ways to stay refreshed:
- bring the baby carrier into the bathroom with you while you put your favorite music on and take a shower
- sleep while baby sleeps
- find 10 minutes to forget the chores and choose to pray, meditate, and stretch
- Light a candle and write in a journal. Write prayers or write a gratitude list
- Call a friend while on a walk
- Find a mom friend to have over
- Get out of the house without baby, even if its just for one hour in between feedings.
Feeling like you need a little extra support and guidance to make it through this time? Give me a call for a free phone consult: 561-797-6187